Dinner At Chronic's House - Where's Max?

I grab a longer, sharper looking french fry and impale it into another ketchup soaked fry which looks a bit too slippery to be manhandled. I could use the chopsticks that are sitting in my plate of creamed spinach, but everyone knows eating french fries with chopsitcks is passe, including my cat Spooky, who is eying my burger with great interest to see if I finish it. "Damn ye, ye yellow-bellied sapsuckers! I'm a better man than all ye milksops put together!" I cry out in my best Captain Blackbeard impression as I down the impaled fry and skewer another. Sometimes Im a Pirate when I eat, other times, a Ninja, or possibly a drunken Russian sailor. The fries almost always get finished by the pirate, the creamed spinach and burger, its like 50-50. The Ninja goes right for the burger, but he wasnt around tonight, he was out chopping peoples heads off and flipping out. I eat this meal quite often, as its both satisfying and incredibly easy to both cook and consume quickly. The secret is, I buy a pound and a half of fresh ground beef, and make 3-4 burgers out of it but freeze all except one Im eating right then and there.

Sometimes I run out of buns, and thats when I resort to English Muffins, the authenticity of which is highly dubious ever since I ran the concept past my dear British friend and Catan Grandmaster Mr. Bendypants (umopapisdnpuaq). According to Bender, British people do indeed eat muffins quite regularly but they are not of a national mold, that is to say, there is no one true archetypal "English Muffin" that is consumed by everyone, but rather a variety of muffins and scones and biscuits and tea cookies and sweetbreads. So really, its all a ruse. I should have known when I inspected the packaging, which contains a drawing of a two-horse cart being driven by 3 men in top hats, one of which is playing a trumpet, presumably delivering the morning crumpets. What a steaming load of bull honkey, but of course Americans bought into it hook line and sinker as they are one of the most popular breakfast foods. They dont really go stale, they just kinda go soggy, which Bender says is reason enough to be wary of them and just eat a bagel instead, which he says dont really exist over there in proper form.

I tried watching TV after the Yankees game was over, but the news networks here in NYC are just running endless loops of footage from a huge crane collapse on the Upper East Side. Tiring of that I flipped to the one channel that wasn't covering the collapse, and it was coverage of the Sex And The City movie thats about to come out. How a movie based on a show that was really big like 10 years ago, and is supposedly about sex, but prominently features 4 actresses that when taken out of their makeup and designer clothes look like librarians from Tuscaloosa is news, is beyond my limited comprehension. Turn that crap off.

Whos on Xbox Live? Its freaking Firday man. This is the day to play on Live. James Bond 007 and I tried some ranked Virtua Tennis 3 doubles earlier but it was so painful, the first match lagged out and froze and we got in a waiting match with the other 2 guys, finally they left and immediately we got matched up with kaci smith and Cal1mero. These guys are really, really good, especially kaci smith who is probably the best Tim Henman in Virtua Tennis on XBL. Super agressive at the net, while almost never making an error, he is as tough as it gets. But even as good as he is the guy simply cannot resist using the "glitch shot" during the match, which is an exploit that when executed properly produces a winner a high enough percentage of the time that its quite often the difference between winning and losing a close match.

But, this match wasnt close. I was super hung over, not warmed up and hadnt eaten or smoked anything. I should have known it would be a recipie for disaster and it was. I played terribly, Bond kept us in the game but after winning the first point we pretty much got smoked. In the rematch, they did 2-3 glitch shots in a row and I just let the last few balls go past me, I was so frustrated. Its hard to be a good sport when your opponents insist on nickle and diming you with cheap exploit shots. Virtua Tennis is an amazing game but I have to say Im not having as much fun with it as I used to. When the right people are on the competition is incredible and the level of play is really fantastic and its one of the best games on XBL, but it seems the best players are on less and less now, some gave up on ranked doubles all together because of the rampant lag-cheating and exploit usage, and often the players that are still on insist on using unsportsmanlike techniques to win. Playing people worse than us is worse than not playing at all, and most of the few people we can find that are on or above our play level use the stupid exploit shot, so finding a good clean match is really hard. The French guys we had The Rivalry with rarely get on anymore (they're on our friends list now). Its almost to the level of Burnout 3 where you just have to bring 4-8 of your own people to get it going, and I think Im probably going to start playing ranked less now as well.

But what to play tongight? In cant just write in this damn blog all night. Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, aka as Evil Max? As much NOT FUN getting our lunch handed to us by a couple of glitching punks was, tonight I want to have FUN on Xbox Live. Thats what the whole point of the system is. It is to get on and have fun. Nobody gets this better than Evil Max. The man works 117 hours a week so the only night he can get on is Fridays, but he has been absent the last two Fridays in a row. Dont think we didnt miss you buddy. If Max was on, I wouldnt be writing in this blog, we'd be playing Assault Heroes 2 and doing shots of tequila faster than that guy on Kotaku. Yeah, I could go play Age of Conan with FurryPuddle and Ajax999, but they are already so much higher level than me its basically pointless. Im trying to finish the single player aspects of that game before really playing with them much anyway, but I fear deeply that by the time I hit level 20 they will already be at the level cap. Oh well, at least that will give them an excuse to make a new character and start all over again, maybe I can catch up on the second lap, thats usually where I get my business done in Burnout. Anyway, this has gone on long enough and its time to play some GTA. San Andreas, that is. Just kidding.

Rage Against The Machines

By Tom Chatfield

Mogwai is cutting down the time he spends playing World of Warcraft. Twenty hours a week or less now, compared to a peak of over 70. It's not that he has lost interest—just that he's no longer working his way up the greasy pole. He's got to the top. He heads his own guild, has 20,000 gold pieces in the bank and wields the Twin Blades of Azzinoth; weapons so powerful and difficult to acquire that other players often (virtually) follow Mogwai around just to look at them. In his own words, he's "e-famous." He was recently offered $8,000 for his Warcraft account, a sum he only briefly considered accepting. Given that he has clocked up over 4,500 hours of play, the prospective buyers were hardly making it worth his while. Plus, more sentimentally, he feels his character is not his alone to sell: "The strange thing about this character is that he doesn't just belong to me. Every item he has he got through the hard work of 20 or more other people. Selling him would be a slap in their faces." As in many modern online games, co-operation is the only way to progress, with the most challenging encounters manageable only with the collaboration of other experienced players. Hence the need for leaders, guilds—in-game collectives, sometimes containing hundreds of players—and online friendships measured in years. "When I started, I didn't care about the other people. Now they are the only reason I continue."

Continue reading at Prospect Magazine.co.uk

Weezer: Pork and Beans

New album comes out June 3rd www.weezer.com

Ninja Gaiden II: IGN Review

Well IGN has its review up, and Eric Brudvig has given Ninja Gaiden II an 8.7, a respectable score but a bit of a letdown for what we were hoping would be one of the best games of the year - and the sequel to one of the best games of all time. The problem is simple it seems - the first game just blew everyone's mind so much that there is not much grey matter left for the sequel to tingle. I think the review is quite good and pretty fair in general. The one thing Im shocked about is apparently the 360 cant handle certain sections very well and massive slowdown ensues, which is quite shocking and disappointing seeing as though the game is all about speed, and its published by Microsoft, who one would think has the technical wizardry to eliminate these types of problems or at least suggest to the developer to not ask the 360 to do things its not capable of.

Apparently the difficulty has been toned down a bit so Western audiences dont completely spit the bit, and the fantastic platforming from the first game has also been largely sidestepped in favor of more straight ahead action. Im sure it will still be a blast to chop enemies arms and heads off but its hard not to feel a bit disappointed.

FULL IGN REVIEW

Can Nadal Stay Perfect in Paris?

"Heavy, high topspin, great footwork, power, stamina. And, because he's a lefty, he bothers opponents even more," says Alex Corretja, winner of 17 ATP titles, who is now a coach for Andy Murray, in cataloging Rafael Nadal's physical gifts.

But the greatest of all Nadal's gift's?

His mind.

"He has the mental power," Corretja says. "He believes he was born to be the best. He doesn't think he can ever lose."

Nadal will need every ounce of physical and mental power this year to make it through one of the toughest fields in French Open history. Incredibly, Nadal has won the French Open the last 3 years in a row and has yet to turn 22 years old (June 3). He is the odds on favorite to win the event, favored over his clay court dominating countryman, David Ferrer, over technical wizard Nikolay Davydenko, over Serbian tennis prodigy Novak Djokovic, and even over world #1 ranked Roger Federer. But Nadal isnt a bookmaker, and he knows any one of the top 5 players can wrest the 4-peat from him, and there are several dozen other highly skilled players who would like a crack at him as well.

To draw against Nadal in The French is considered death for just about any player, but be prepared to see some cataclysmic death spasms. Its generally considered not a great idea to expend every once of energy early in a major tournament, but if you draw against Nadal your tournament life is instantly on the line and you must play like it is life or death on every single point. So what this means for Nadal is that every player he faces for the whole tournament will play every single point against him as hard possible. He wont get a match off, a set off, a game off - its very likely he wont be thrown any gifts his entire stay in Paris. Not one point. If Nadal is going to win in Rolland Garros in 2008 with every player gunning for him, he is going to have to play his A game right off the bat and never stutter.

Tennis can be an extremely demanding and brutal sport. Most players have seen their best years behind them once they turn 30. The physical demands, constant injuries, and father time all take their toll, but the mental strain of constant travel, practice, competition, and dealing with the petulant media, may be the most intense of all the strains pro players suffer. The mental strain was so great for Justine Henin, world #1 womens singles player, that two weeks ago she simply reitred, being the first wonem to ever do so while #1. She said it was just too much after many years on the road, and that she felt her life was too defined by tennis, and the overall strain was too great to continue. This was the #1 player in the world. Imagine what the mental anguish is for #2, #97, #197, #297 and so on.

#2 Nadal, however, is incredibly stubborn in attempting to play every ATP event on the calender, including doubles. I think its pretty clear he wears the #2 ranking like a scarlet letter. If he cant beat Federer on non-clay surfaces enough to be #1, he'll just go win every other tournament on the planet. Last year, Nadal won back to back titles in Monte Carlo, Barcelona, Rome and Roland Garros and reached the Hamburg final, playing a herculean total of 27 matches (comprising 64 sets) in 57 days. This year, to delay Masters Series events in Indian Wells and Miami so they wouldn't compete with the NCAA basketball tournament for television viewers, the ATP compressed an eight-week spring clay season into seven weeks, making even greater demands on Nadal's body.

Even the resilient Spaniard wasn't able to rise above that potential obstacle. He won again at Monte Carlo, beating Federer in the straight-sets final, and a week later in Barcelona. He went to the Rome Masters with intentions of winning, but facing three tournaments in three weeks, something had to give -- and it was the skin on Nadal's right foot. A gruesome blister was the deciding factor in his loss to Ferrero, but it gave him a week off and the prospect of two weeks of mere practice in a stretch of three leading into Roland Garros.

So we should see a well rested, healthy, well practiced, mentally focused Nadal this week in Paris. If his is all those things, he has a great chance to win. If not, its almost certain he will lose. Im quite sure that this year, with one of the strongest and deepest fields ever, Nadal will need every weapon in his arsenal if he wants to make history and win the French Open for the fourth time in a row.

A.J. Foyt - Greatest Driver in History

"I've always thought he was the best." - Mario Andretti


The Indianapolis 500 is here this weekend, so what better time to recognize America's greatest racing icon, A.J. Foyt?

A.J. is the greatest race car driver in history - its very hard to argue with the facts. ESPN took a poll of current top drivers and various racing experts and they agree - A.J. was voted #1 by them in a poll ranking the top 25 drivers in racing history. Mario Andretti came in a close second, with Dale Earnhart, Michael Shumacher, and Ayrton Senna rounding out the top 5. Wow, what a group of incredible drivers. Without a doubt, the one trait that links all these drivers together is their tenacity and super high levels of aggression in making their way to the front.

But I just want to talk about A.J. for a bit, because I think for most people those other names are all household names, but they might not know much about a US driving champion not named Earnhardt. Possibly the most most incredible and unlikely thing abou A.J. is how he made it to the "big leagues." Racing is an extremely expensive sport, so the chances arent great for a blue collar kid from Houston who doesnt have a wealthy family to support him and pay for the myriad expenses. But his dad owned an auto shop, and was quite the mechanic. AJ got his start on the tiny backroad raceways of Texas, and his skills earned him enough wins around local tracks that his dad knew they had to do something to get his kid in a bigger race. His dad cashed a $300 insurance policy (that was a long time ago, back when dollars were worth something) and took A.J. up to Indiana to do midget car racing, where A.J. completely dominated. The cars they used were assembled and maintained in his dad's garage, from day 1 of his racing career until he had won the Indy 500 4 times. Thats right, the Foyt family designed their cars, assembled them, maintained them, and raced them to perfection, all out of the first little garage his dad ever owned in Houston. While all other racing teams are corporate, the Foyt racing team was impossibly family owned and operated.

In terms of racing skill, there is very little doubt AJ was among the best to ever sit behind a wheel. He owned the Indy 500 with a ridiculous 67 wins. He crushed Nascar. He could out drive the very best European touring car experts. He was offered a chance to drive for the top F1 racing teams, but turned it down becaue he found F1 boring, hyper-political, and filled with unsportsmanlike cry babies.

Lets just reveiw: A.J. is the only man in history to win the the Indianapolis 500, the Daytona 500, the 24 Hours of Le Mans, the 24 Hours of Daytona, and back-to-back titles at the International Race of Champions - a feat that will certainly never be equalled.

After 40+ years of dominating, crashing, flipping, barrel rolling, exploding, being set on fire, and almost losing both his legs, at the young age of 60, A.J. decided that even after qualifying for his signature race, the Indianapolis 500, he would not enter. He would retire.

"I wanted to do it at Indy," Foyt said. "No matter what else I've ever done in racing, people know me for Indy."

Officials cleared the 2.5 mile track of all other cars, and A.J. made his last lap. He circled the track slowly, pulled over to the pit crew, and got out of his car for the last time - no regrets, no looking back.

ESPN GREATEST DRIVERS EVER LINK

Thom Friedman New York Times

"There has been much debate in this campaign about which of our enemies the next U.S. president should deign to talk to. The real story, the next president may discover, though, is how few countries are waiting around for us to call. It is hard to remember a time when more shifts in the global balance of power are happening at once — with so few in America’s favor..." FULL STORY