The Panic Room

"Shieeeelds!!!! Get the fucking shields! Ohhhh my goooddd!" Those are the words one hears right before they enter The Panic Room in Horde, the new 5 person coop mode in Epic's smash hit, Gears of War 2. What is The Panic Room you ask? No, Im not talking about the atrocious 2002 film starring Jodie Foster and Forest Whitaker. Im talking about the fortified defensive area set up by the 5 human players in Gears 2's Horde mode. When endless waves of Locust enemies are descending upon you, kicking in your shield doors and laying down a hail of grinder fire, your only hope is The Panic Room. Your last chance for survival. Your only salvation. Your final gasp for air.

Last night I had one of the most amazing online or offline gaming experiences of my life - playing Horde on the map Hail, we went from Wave 1 to Wave 49, scoring 515,818 points along the way, placing us 45th on the leaderboard - out of 424,192. It took us 4 hours and it was one of the more exhausting sessions Ive ever played in. We had just come off a 3 hour battle on Blood Drive, only to have one of our party members pass out drunk during Wave 30. We didnt make it much beyond that, but fear not Tequila Troubadour md galaxy, because that failure inspired us to make another go with Darth Mikal in the 5th slot. The lineup was myself, James Bond 007, umopapisdnpuaq, Darth Mikal and Evil Max. Starting off, we didnt think we had much of a chance of going deep due to massive inebriation and the fact that we started the run at 5am EST - when we usually are logging off. The European players - Darth and Bender - were fresh off a nights sleep and kept us going through the first 20 waves.

Bond took a break around Wave 11, and just stood in the Panic Room by himself. "Guys, Im just gonna rest my eyes for a few seconds." At that point, I thought we had absolutely no shot. Bond was gonna fall asleep at the wheel, and the bus was gonna go off the edge of a cliff with all of us in it. But 15 minutes later, on Wave 17, he was miraculously awake again, and we began mowing through the waves. On Wave 29, we were a bit spread out, with Bender and Max manning the bridge and keeping the Horde at a distance with frag grenades, Bond and myself manning the front door and Darth running in between us. We peeled through the wave, until it got down to the last 5 guys.

"Noooooo!" I heard Bender cry out, as his character was chainsawed by a crazed Cyclops. "No way!" Shouted Darth, as the buzzing massacre continued. When you get down to the last few Locust in each wave, they tend to Kamikaze run at you with either their chainsaw up, or their arms flying, trying to melee you. Max fled the bridge and started down the stairs, being chased by a couple of Bolters. I ran up to him with my chainsaw out, but the Bolters shot me and meleed me down, while Max downed one of the Bolters and then he was taken out by the other. It was down to Bond. He ran from the Panic Room as it wasnt properly shielded, killed the downed Bolter and ran upstairs, where he found a chain gun, which he promptly turned on the remaining 2 enemies, turning them into mincemeat. Disaster Avoided.

The next scare was on Wave 37, when we exited the Panic Room en masse to go get ammo. The problem was, nobody stayed behind to guard against a Locust spawn, and several Grinders, Boomers, Sires and Wretches spawned right behind us. Our shields were up, so the big guys couldnt get out, but we couldnt get back in either, leaving us trapped and exposed to enemy fire from the main pavilion area. I died in the crossfire, but somehow the other team members managed to keep a cool head and mow the remaining interior enemies down, reclaiming our Panic Room for the remainder of the match. The first rule of The Panic Room is, never leave The Panic Room empty.

Wave 39 came, and at that point none of us could believe we had made it that far. But now we were awake, aware, sobering up, and ready for anything. I dont really remember much of Wave 39, to be honest. But I do remember we played it textbook, hanging back and picking off enemies, reviving each other, and using tons of planted grenades all over the entrances to our area. Personally, I had nightmares about being flanked from the stairs in case our right wingmen fell, so at both the top and bottom of the stairs I placed frag grenades - far away from the frontlines of battle, but just in case the Locust breached the bridge. Towards the end of the round, when we were down to 4 players, thats exactly what happened. The final Kamikaze-loco-Locust charged us, and started taking us out at a frightening pace. First the right wing fell, then Darth, who went to save them got taken out, and then Bond, who went out to save Darth, confronted the last 2 Bolters, taking out one and being downed and killed by the other. It was only me left alive. I could see the Bolter on the bridge, but I dared not venure out beyond the safe confines of The Panic Room. Out of machine gun ammo, and carrying only a Pistol and Hammerburst, I knew my only shot was to get him to run past my nade gauntlet. I fired a few Hammerburst rounds in the direction of the bridge, and marvelled as the Bolter ran past my first grenade without even pausing to register the impact of the shrapnel, only to be blown to smithereens by the second grenade at the bottom of the stairs. This wasnt going to be easy.

Somehow, through a mixture of proper strategy, communication, luck, and skill, we powered past the Beast Riders of Wave 40. Then we pimpslapped Wave 41. Then 42. 43. 44. 45. We were unstobbable. Wave 46. 47. 48. We were going to go all the way. We all knew it. Nobody was talking about it though. We our score had already passed 500,000. It was just a matter of executing the plan. It was just a matter of protecting and placing our shields, we simply had to maintain the physical integrity of The Panic Room.

Then, came wave 49. It started like a drop-kick-to-the-eye from a 500 lb Ninja in a Gorilla suit. There were Beast Riders right on top of us, with Sires kicking in the shields on their sides. "Get me up! Get me up!" Bond is screaming. There is a Mauler at the front door who has downed him, and hes in dire jeopardy of being killed by the Grinder firing in from outside. I get him up, and am immediately downed by Grinder fire. Bond returns the favor and gets me up, and I empty an entire active reload shotgun clip into the Grinder before he falls. "Holy fucking shit! Pull Back!" I hear Darth yell as I hear Evil Max's head being stomped in. We just reload, and empty, and reload and empty, and the enemies keep on coming. We shoot the Riders off the Beasts, and they stand up and kick in our shield doors. We put the shields back, and Sires show up and kick them in again. Bender goes down. Darth tries to revive him, and he goes down. Im not even aware of this, until I hear them shouting, "Its just you two! Panic Room! PANIC ROOM!!!"

Right as I hear this, I see a Grinder standing at the top of the stairs, his gun aimed right at me, glaring menacingly. "GRIND!" he intones, and I dive towards the shields, grab one, and start backing up. "BOOM!" I hear as a rocket sails over my head. The enemies are now clogging up the foyer, like a legion of undead overgrown club kids waiting to be let in the door. I toss a grenade into the pack and it doesnt faze them. There is Grinder fire everywhere. Boomshots are exploding constantly. Im backpedaling, the shield in my hands the only thing keeping me alive. Time slows down, as the bullets rain down with the two remianing survivors backing into the Panic Room. My reticule is turning red with blood, the shield isnt stopping everything. Somehow I manage to back blindly into the doorway of The Panic Room, and when the Grinder at the front door hits the cooldown on his chain gun, I get an instant to slam the shield into the ground, and tuck into cover. I glance over to the right, and James Bond 007 is mirrored in the exact same position, shield planted, in cover, blindfiring. "Is that all youve got!" Marcus yells as he peeks his head out, gets a headshot on a Theron Gaurd and lines up on the Grinder in the foyer. In that moment the Grinder's gun unloads a hail of bullets aimed right at Marcus' head, and he goes down instantly. "Fight through the pain!" my character Cole yells as I hit the X button, reviving the fallen Marcus.

The enemies are countless, but our blind-fired lancers cut through their flesh with remarkable efficiency, and within a minute or two we are down to 4 enemies. Four enemies between us and - Wave 50, the Final Act, the Final Boss, victory. All I can see is a Kantus right in front of me, with a Grinder backing him up. I unload the remainder of my machine gun ammo into the Kantus, and then switch to the shotgun. The Kantus tosses a Poison grenade into the Panic Room, but its off center, and it only downs me, and Bond quickly revives me. I get up, take cover, and fire an entire clip of shotgun ammo into the Kantus' head, then hit the active reload. Just as Im about to let off glowing shells of active reload death into the last few hitpoints of the Kantus, he throws another Poison grenade, and this time its perfectly placed, filling the entire room. "Noo! Noooooooo!" I hear Bond screaming as his character falls to the ground and bursts in an explosion of blood and body parts, Grinder fire ripping him to pieces. Cole's reticule turns red from the Poison, then redder - and then, just as the green Poison begins to fade from the room, the reticule turns dark crimson, and Cole falls to his knees, limping back behind the pillar in the center of the room. Everything is quiet. There are no enemies. There is no machine gun fire. Everyone in the voice chat is quiet, except for Max, who says softly, "Its over." Cole lies down, clutches his Cog tag, mutters a profanity, and takes an well deserved 8 hour nap.