Pizza Season

So, now that Autumn is officially here, let the Pizza Season of 2008 begin! What, you've never heard of the Pizza Season? Well that wouldnt be a huge shocker, because I just invented the phrase, but I coined it to describe a phenomena thats been known for some time in NYC: in the fall, the quality and consistency of pizza goes up. Pizza Season is just like Hunting Season, but way cheesier and with a lot less blood, guts, and camouflage.

If baseball is the true religion of NYC, then pizza is the little wafer that you put in your mouth, while thanking the collective people of Italy for being culinary geniuses. If there was only one cuisine I could eat, without doubt, without hesitation, it would be Italian food. Now, I understand many of you may have been tragically brought up underprivileged in this regard, and although Ive never eaten Italian in every city in the world, if NYC isnt in the top 3 cities for Italian outside of Italy then my name is most certainly not Roscoe P Coltrane and you can call me a yellow bellied waffle eating wombat. The beauty of this situation is the trickle down effect. When you have Mario Batali and Il Mulino duking it out for supremacy in the the high end arena, there is going to be a lot of real estate left over for those restaurants that arent superstars. Translation: there is going to be a lot of awesome pizza. And let it be said clearly, Batali's pizza joint, Otto, sucks. So there.

So what exactly is Pizza Season, and why is there one? To state it simply, during the very humid summer months in NYC, its very difficult for even the best pizza makers to achieve perfect consistency in their dough, which can absorb moisture out of the air, even while it is cooking at 800 degrees. The result, quite simply, is a less crispy, more chewy crust. But as soon as that cool, dry Autumn air hits the pizza ovens and cooling racks, something magical happens. The pizza is transformed from good, ordinary NYC pizza into a sublime melding of flavors and textures. This only applies to fresh pies, of course - and ones that conform to a standard of overall high quality ingredients, preparation etc. And once the pizza sits for an hour, all bets are off. It can still be good reheated, but it wont be magical.

So what do we do here in NYC during Pizza Season? Eat pizza everyday, sometimes twice a day, sometimes more, if you go on a pizza tour. Now I know what you're thinking, Chronic, eating pizza 7 days a week cant be good for you. Ah-ha! You sir, are incorrect. Its what you eat in between the pizza meals that makes the lifestyle healthy, or unhealthy. If I eat pizza for breakfast, have a spinach salad for lunch, and then pizza again for dinner, Im actually eating decently. For starters, its vegetarian, and I can count the number of obese vegetarians I know on the fingers attached to my elbow. Secondly, although its fast food, at least at the places which serve slices rather than sit you down for full service, its not processed food in any way, its all natural: just bread, cheese, and tomato sauce. I dont know if the crap they serve at Dominoes is all natural, but if I had to guess I would say no. Suffice to say, Im not eating at Dominoes.

Bread, cheese, tomatoes. Notice how I didnt add ham and pineapple, or some other abomination that should never, ever go on a proper slice of pizza. You see, the better the pizza is, the less of everything you want on it. In the world of real pizza, less is more. Eventually, at a place like Patsy's, you get to the point with less is more pizza where the crust is so thin, and the spread of tomato and mozzarella so minimal, that you can eat an entire pie all by your lonesome. Im not saying I never get pizza with toppings, but I know that you never ever try a new pizza place and order toppings - which can either enhance and mask a poor slice or overburden a solid one with too many flavors. Toppings are whimsical, fantastical, indulgent, fanciful, and delicious - but not the regular domain of the serious pizza eater. Yesterday, I got a pizza with Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms, and Olives from Fornino in Williamsburg. The name for a pizza with that many toppings is a garbage pizza. I only order toppings from places that are renowned for the quality of their ingredients, because canned mushrooms really dont get me too excited. And even then - its just an indulgence, just to break up the rhythm of the cheese-sauce-bread-space-time continuum. Then its back to the standard - 2 slices and 2 Snapples from Danny's on the corner of Bushwick and Montrose. Its my neighborhood pizza joint, and although its not the closest to my house, nor the best in Brooklyn (Di Fara's?), its by far the best pizza in Bushwick.

I could write an entire book about pizza, but Im just going to coalesce the footnotes here. There are several different types of pizza in NYC, I grade them on a scale of 1-5, and the same place can get a 4 one day and then a 2 on another day. Such is the nature of any restaurant or food business, but with pizza its especially pronounced. Depending on who kneads the dough, how hot the oven is, how many pizzas are cooking in it, the humidity and temperature outdoors, how long its cooked, how long it cools, whether its reheated or not - these are just a few of the myriad variations that any slice from any one place will be subjected to. Of course, there is also the matter of style. There are so many different styles of pizza its pointless to try to discuss them all here, but let it be said, the two most important styles are Neapolitan (Fornino, Patsys) and NYC (Danny's, Joe's) style. I greatly respect deep dish pizza in the Sicilian and Chicago styles, but for me pizza is about cheese, and no slice in the world offers more cheese per square inch than the NYC style - and thats why its my favorite, although I eat all of the other styles regularly.

There are literally hundreds upon hundreds of pizza places in NYC, and probably only 4-5 dozen that actually deserve your time. Most are very, very generic, with bland tasting dough, overly sweet sauce and 2nd or 3rd rate cheese. Im pretty picky, and although I have my usual spots that I frequent, Ill sometimes try a new place, because you never know. The only true indicator of a pizza joints quality is how busy it gets on a off night, like Monday or Tuesday. If you still see people lining up on the off nights, its a good sign that the place is at least above average and worth checking out. Here is how you test a pizza place, and you dont have to be hungry to do this. Go in, order one slice and your standard drink of choice (as long as you drink the same thing every time you try a new pizza place, it is considered a neutral party in the taste test and should not affect results). Take a few bites. If its good, eat about 2/3rds of it. If not, throw it out after 1-2 bites.

Then, you go to the next pizza place, down the street, or the next train stop over, and try another slice. Then you go to another, and another, and another, never eating more than 2/3rds of a slice, in what is called a pizza tour. A pizza tour is a great NYC tradition, and you dont have to go to new places to undertake one, although its customary to at least try one new place per tour. Normally, you would want to start out at a new place, or one that you know to be really good, and then go from there, by neighborhood, trying different pizza places in small quantities. As long as you dont eat too much in any one place and there is some walking involved, a pizza tour is one of the best ways to see NYC and sample its triangular culinary delights. Mario Batali is known as a legendary pizza tour guide, who can polish off over a dozen slices in a half day of touring.

I dont know that I would take it that far, but if you ever make it to NYC in the fall, give me call, I know a few places we could go and check out. Dont get me wrong now, the pizza in NYC during the summer is just fine - but something unique occurs when the temperatures drop, and its certainly the best time of the year for touring the institutions, the old favorites, and the new kids on the block. If anyone asks where you're going, tell them its a vegetarian health clinic run by an eccentric hippie, with a sightseeing tour of NYC thrown in for free.